However~

I may not bring it up but I always felt grateful for any discussions regarding my 13 year old Illnesses that still affect me to this day. Trust the fact that I miss being one of the people lost on medical issues, all from not living it. I also feel loved when someone talks to me about it so as private as I am, it’s consistently taken away with positive feelings.

I will only offer my own information in writing or to my family that lives with me but I’ll continue to answer letters to what I do know.
I want to help just as I looked for that help years ago.

Although, living with an invisible illness (Lyme carrier/flare ups) and trauma to my brain with actual MRI pictures of my 7 inactive brain lesions and one large black hole directly over my hippocampus, also stops me from verbally replying my truth and or fighting till the tail end to not go to a doctor appointment or even a ER when needed.
That’s how you know someone is being honest over their illness.
If they fight the appointments, schedules, emergency situations, and/or are vague with questions. They’re simply beat down, worn out, exhausted with all the fighting to stay alive, live normal, and feel well.

I don’t know how many people have pictures of their brain as adults or realize that migraines, falling, car wrecks-none of it can cause my type of brain damage. Others like me get the following, when you’re scared out of your mind in the beginning you’ll scour the medical planet looking for a minor, less frightening reason.

Unfortunately for me, the only possible medical reasons are Lyme disease, Multiple Sclerosis, Alzheimer’s, and Cancer.
I never have to this day been given an answer to which one is the cause to my pictures of my brain MRI.
I’ve been diagnosed with all 3 diseases (Lyme, MS, Cancer).

I’m the type of person that has needed answers to everything since I could walk.

Due to the above here’s what is exceptionally appreciated and beautiful, this changed me in a way that is positive progress.
I gave up on getting an answer to every baffling obstacle in life.
Now I accept I always won’t get one and I really don’t give a shit if I don’t.
Now my philosophy is structured and strict to reflect my truth. If it’s meant to be, it will.
I feel that last sentence in every facet of my being.

The chip that must fall, the what comes up must come down is this,
my dear friends and family that think I’m simply aging, or tired, having normal wear and tear, or natural mileage we all share, are forgetting my damage is in the prefrontal cortex which permanently damaged my hippocampus which is behind my eye and is where short term memory is stored.
I face a smorgasbord of undesirable outcomes.
I feel it worsening as the 3 neurologists said it would as well.

What’s supposed to happen, will.

However today I woke up; I can walk, talk, see, hear, laugh, listen to music, write, hold my daughters hand, kiss my husband, puff on my electronic cig, sleep, the weather is beautiful.
I can only pray I have many more.
Whatever you face, solely face it one day at a time.
Sounds corny doesn’t it? I am 100% serious.

“You’re in serious trouble. I can’t believe your doing this well”. – Johns Hopkins neurologist to me in the thick of misdiagnosis, cancer not found yet.

About Donda Danforth

I am the product of lifelong assorted novels in the works. Amateur music producer with official background. Long time freelance writer and ghost writer. Working to tell the truths and tales to the abuse and survival of cancer, Lyme disease, misdiagnoses, adolescent marriage, narcissistic abuse, and the humor that accompanies such a diverse list.
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