It’s been a long day.
My throat endoscopy was fascinating. Also reassuring since the pictures of my throat were pink and healthy looking.
Attention: To anyone who has had an ultrasound, if it wasn’t done at Sloan-Kettering, you should feel insulted.
I always follow my gut, I had a long consultation with Dr. Morris. Not only do I love his last name, I felt comfortable with him. He reminded me of my beloved brother, Duke. He’s not going to cut you open unless he thinks it’s for your own good. I’m just like my mother, if there’s one thing I know besides music, it’s people. However, I’m in a predicament. The doctor thinks my cancer is large enough to remove and yet everything I wrote on my previous blog is right, I could die with this in my throat but of another cause. Although, I need to attack this while I’m “young and healthy”, as he put it. The doctor also thinks the tumor is too close to suffocating me in my sleep. The down side, I don’t know if it has spread. (Exactly what I don’t want..)
Right now, I’ve had a fantastic weekend with my family, I’ve had a beautiful Italian dinner with cocktails and am in a stunning hotel room in Manhattan until I hear if the ultrasound, endoscopy and blood work shows its in lymph nodes or not.
As for now, the surgery is scheduled for next Wednesday. If the cancer isn’t in my lymph nodes or through my neck I may go back to my warm, cozy beach and live bigger than ever. Wishful thinking, I’m sure.
Food for thought; I befriended an employee at the hospital. As she gave me pre-surgery details I felt comfortable enough to share with her if the cancer shows in my bloodstream or lungs and has spread, then I prefer to walk away and when I drop dead, I go. I let her know, “Be honest with me, I can take it.” She replied, “I can tell you can.”
Shockingly and impressively enough, she wholeheartedly agreed with me if it has gone past stage two. She said she knows of people who were in the fourth stage, they decided to live out their days and enjoy life. They outlived the patients being treated at her job.
I’ll never go to another hospital. They think like me. If I go forward, I’ll check in next Monday. As for the friends who checked on me all weekend, I’ll never let you walk alone.
Make every day count. Literally.
I will. 🙂