My parents, who worked and socialized in show business in their lifetime, each believed I belonged in it.
My Mom, thought I should have went to NYC to audition for Saturday Night Live, she swore I was a natural for it.. she didn’t want me to pursue the lonely life as a musician.
My Dad, wholeheartedly wanted me to head to Nashville and knock ‘em dead.
My dream, ever since I was a baby, was to be a singer then move on as a Music Producer-my ultimate goal.
And yet, here I am known as a “Lyme Disease Warrior for the Lymies”.. a description a fellow writer so affectionately described me as in her article.
I am moved for the mention. Although let’s face it, Life is pain.
My ‘claim to fame’ ended up being my suffering.
Here’s the good news, for my inner soul: I still sing. Very proudly in fact. In my opinion, Karaoke isn’t performing. To me, after singing for a few bands, Karaoke’s a bar distraction for fun.. but I still sing. Singing recently for a friends’ band, due to my love for music and power of the voice, I still found it enjoyable, ironically discovering after the event that part of my life was now over. At this same event, I was hired to cover the day for a piece in the local entertainment flyer. My job, interviews and notes had now become more important to me.
However, as I will for the rest of my life, this past year I continued my quest in the love of music, teaching myself how to play the acoustic guitar more prominently. A lesson my self taught musician Father of many instruments, always wanted to give me while I used the excuse that I knew a few chords on the guitar, my voice was my instrument. (it is, you know. & I was always fluent on harmonica.) Like most kids, I thought I had plenty of time to learn.
Now, I can play the acoustic guitar. Properly.
Along with writing a song on occasion and writing daily in my job, I continue to produce. Yes, as an amateur, but I produce creativity, musically. As I make sure it’s distributed to share. Now, I am at the level he and I wanted. Just not in Nashville or on a record label for the masses.
And, since humor is so very paramount to who I am, every single day of my life, I do impersonations and live skits for all who is around me. Even myself. I live Saturday Night Live, instead of work on it.
The cruelty of a MS misdiagnosis and the Lyme/Hashimoto’s battle I faced with all that I learned, brought my true self back out. Along with a writing job I love and meeting new people every day, I am who my parents aspired me to be.
Reach within yourself of what you always wanted to work at. The true attributes of yourself you carried as a child. Your plans with your mentors. The more you suffer with what you have to do to rid yourself of your illness, you’ll come back too.
The suffering, searching and herxing is an absolute must.
No matter how long it takes, Don’t ever give up.
Believe me, I was extremely ill. At this time over two years ago, I was told to shop for a wheelchair, by a money hungry, unsure moron neuro – mind you. Nevertheless, I was very ill.
Life may be pain – but you could highly likely wake up one day thankful this all happened.
Even when new problems arise, you’ll never forget what you endured and survived.
It’s worth it when the impairment is over and I promise you, you’ll look at every single little and big thing – anew.
*As they always do.. The song has meaning; it was the last movie I watched with my mom. In the hospital, unable to find anything else to watch while I put lotion on her feet. As that original, hilarious woman lay sick, she asked, “ugh..why do you like this garbage?” (she was ultra choosy when it came to country..) — The song which is from URBAN COWBOY soundtrack, was also one I sang with my Dad’s band, in my early 20’s.*