I could not be more tired of this.

I have grown numb to the repetitive – constant – work – at getting properly diagnosed.

But I go. I honestly don’t have it in me to not fight back.

After I was on ‘the road to recovery’ from battling Lyme with low dose naltrexone and colloidal sliver along with many other rules. Hydrogen Peroxide baths/dry brushing, the tediously studied supplements, exercise, sleep, a great deal of holistic methods. I also still knew, I could feel better. And feeling so fatigued – any sane person would know they are still ill.

I fought it. As much as I don’t understand lying to oneself-I tried denial out. I still was social, like I have always been. Well, not the real me level-but I was still social. I had plans for myself with the move and finding my family a home. I made sure my daughters senior year went as she hoped, I was trying – thinking I would focus on my problems later… while a new intimidating, troublesome symptom came upon me to be sure it will never let me forget…………

Last I seen my Lyme doctor was months ago and after my almost giving him a black eye from his disrespect he so blatantly and proudly barks out to women.. I couldn’t take it another day to permit him to cash in on me.

*Although, had he actually made progress with me – I would have put up with it till I was better,* but as he prolonged everything, I was feeling symptomatic and had now developed neuropathy down the entire right side of my body.. and it scared the living hell out of me.

That’s a moment you will never forget.

Innocently, sitting and reading as you feel as though your dentist just jabbed you in the side with their novocain…as it slowly runs down from your stomach to your foot .. to never wear off.

I think I got it from my mom but I don’t panic. I’ll holler out a little if I stub my toe. A serious infliction? I’m a professional card player.. and yet inside I was feeling a bit more unnerved.

We were also approaching moving out of state. As Bobby worked, I packed the entire house and made all the preparations. All the while, mindfully alert to the fact I had been through a lot of negligence, malpractice, and guesswork from others.

I immediately got to work on finding either a Lyme hospital somewhere to check myself into, or a better doctor. Something. I made myself better from years ago but my body was now telling me something else was being ignored. Obviously.

Again, to look at me-you would never know. Thankfully, I could and can, walk fine.. But neuropathy was an eye opener for me to give one more doctor a chance. Even though Lyme can cause neuropathy, I didn’t care if I had to have ten more spinal taps, five more emergency trips for a brain bleed, ten full body MRI’s with/without contrast or eighty more tubes of my blood JUST TELL ME WHAT THE HELL TO DO!!!???

I didn’t want to fight it alone anymore. I’m always confident enough to fight for something on my own and I had always done just that in my life. With the neuropathy, sadly, I had hit my limit.

After much research, phone calls, discussions on Lyme support groups – I found a clinic that had a doctor as the former lead of a California Lyme Hospital. The only catch-pay up front. They happily help you get it back from your insurance but to simply walk in the door-you pay your bill. I have lived here since June and have already been diagnosed with Hypothyroidism (a VERY COMMON condition linked to develop with Lyme..) My doctor said since my mom had it I was in an even higher risk and that my thyroid is functioning at a one third of the level it should be so he was surprised I ever get up at all.. he put it in car terms, “you are mentally in first gear but your body has the emergency brake on..” This man, who I immediately liked, as he immediately listened, believes my Lyme is over and once my thyroid is treated he said he will be my best friend in the world in about six months. 🙂

It’s a new world for me. They have called weekly to check on me when they don’t see me, I have had nuclear cells or s’mthin’ scary cells testing-(I’m tired of studying..), I was assigned a medical assistant when I have a question/need anything, hair testing for metals in my body, an ultrasound on my thyroid, a complete thyroid blood panel, supplement level blood work, and this morning I had the first of two days doing the iodine radiation testing.

I hope I don’t wake up to find all this medical help a dream.

Anyone who has been through the ringer like I have can tell you, It can all certainly put a chip on your shoulder. Am I naive to believe medicine is a straight line? Or has it become a matter of opinion? I’m still the same guinea pig. I don’t get it. They are all taught the same thing, right?

Nevertheless, tonight as I write this.. and my family lie sleeping.. we know today’s testing was also about a mass in my neck. With the way I mourn my parents deaths and how they died, you would think ‘cancer’ is the go to, in my mind.. But it’s not.

I honestly have no idea what it is. It could be tissue just like the benign lump I had in my breast years ago, it could be a mass of nothing, it could be serious. All I know is I finally found help, we are all active and happy with our surroundings, I was hired for some interesting freelance work, I still plan to have an ending to my book, aggressive progress is going on by this doctor, and more importantly, this doctor wants to help the person-not the patient.

If you have read this blog from the beginning then -you know- the latter is enough for me.

~”Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

About Donda Danforth

I am the product of lifelong assorted novels in the works. Amateur music producer with official background. Long time freelance writer and ghost writer. Working to tell the truths and tales to the abuse and survival of cancer, Lyme disease, misdiagnoses, adolescent marriage, narcissistic abuse, and the humor that accompanies such a diverse list.
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